Good bye means God be with you...

I have experienced death. I’m sure you have as well. Death is unknown and extremely painful. All through history humans have tried to make up explanations for death and what happens after words. Death is powerful, it can change a person completely in moments. It can brings friends and enemies together in an unbreakable bond. I would argue that death is one of the single most powerful forces on earth. Christ came suffered and died for us so that we could escape eternal death and return home to our Father.

Is death an ending or is it a beginning? Through my experiences and personal revaluations I know with every fiber of my being that death is only a beginning. I know that this is a short period of time in the eternal plan of life and happiness. I know that I will see my loved ones again and I look forward to that day with great anticipation and hope. I know that they are here, I have felt there presence time and time again. They have given all of us small gifts and signs to let us know that we are in their hearts as they are in ours. I know that many who have passed in my life are teaching and learning, still waiting for that day when Jesus Christ will come again on that great and dreadful day. What a joyous day to come when we can embrace those we love and feel the peace that they never truly left us.

This knowledge is not something I made up or something I believe in because I have to or because my parents do. This knowledge was sought for with blood, sweat, tears and some of the greatest pain I have and will ever feel. March 26, 2006 tragedy struck hard in our little community. I was 14 years old, for the first time in my life I questioned. I was lost and confused and angry. For the first time in my short life I needed to know for sure. I needed to leave the care of my parents testimonies and beliefs and I needed to know for me how something like this could ever happen. It took so much for me to know and to understand and it was not easy it was painful and lonely. There is great light and hope at the end of this journey. I would not trade my testimony of life and death for anything in the world. I would give my life in a second for what I believe it is that precious to me and it is that real to me.

I am so grateful for the privilege of knowing and contacting with those who have passed in my life. Each time I have lost someone I have felt an unbelievable pain but with that pain is hope a hope that brings peace to know it’s okay to keep going it’s all going to be okay in the end you WILL see them again. Others are not so lucky, I think the most painful thing for me in these tragic moments are those without the hope and without a knowing that they will see them again. Those who only see death as an end break my heart because of the unbelievable hopelessness in their hearts. To me that is more painful than anything in a tragedy.

These are the moments that define us and make us who we truly are, these hard times and people. Even though at times we do not much enjoy people we have to look for the beauty that each has. We have to spend time and cherish every moment with the people in our lives because the next moment they might be gone. I know all these things are true. I know I will see my friends and families again. I know that death is not an ending but a beginning...

God be with you till we meet again....

I can only change one person...

Todays awe-ha moment is another big hit over the head moment that has really been well slamming me. I am a worrier and I often way over think things in life, I also have this nasty habit of thinking I need to fix a lot of situations. If you know what it's like you know how exhausting it is, it brings stress to your mind and body and for me it brings very nasty nightmares. This is where the awe-ha moment comes in I have heard this one from so many sources I'm starting to wonder if I should listen. That awe-ha moment is that I can never change others and their problems until I have changed me.

It really is very true, you can only truly change and perfect yourself. We have this magical thing called agency that allows us to choose our own thoughts and actions. We have NO excuses for our behaviors and our thoughts because we all have choice. Agency to choose for ourselves is one other most amazing gifts from our Heavenly Father, but we as pathetic humans often look at agency in a bad light and we use it to justify the bad things in life. In reality agency is one of the most powerful spiritual gifts that we have. It is the freedom to choose and change our own self. That is pretty powerful stuff. Like any other power it is often abused by the human race. So how can we use this gift for good? We can use it to change ourselves and to make life worth while, we can do that, we can choose to see the beauty of life and the events in it, all through our agency.

Realizing that you can change yourself and choose happiness is no easy task it is painful and extremely difficult. Even though we don't want to admit it we love our depression we love to be victims. Some are worse then others but we all enjoy being victims somehow. We also like to hold on to pain, as part of that victim mentality humans love to hold to their issues and pains because to truly be happy you have to actually leave those things behind and you actually have to find the lesson. We don't always like to find lessons, we love to feel sorry for ourselves and we like to stay with what is comfortable. I can say that because I know, I do it and I know that some how we all do, it is a normal human tendency. Which is why I am working very hard let go of the past and the victim security blanket.

Moving on to more people and change. I have had difficult people in my life, we all have, many of those people have brought us great pain (one of my childhood best friend, who I still love dearly), It is though these people that I have found this awe-ha. Many sleepless nights thinking about the pains these people have put me and others through, and the pain of knowing I have lost them kept me going on the thought of; how can i change them? It must be my fault what did I do? How can I make them see what they do hurts others? That's when I realized I can do nothing for them but change me and be forgiving. Even though I want to make everything all better I cannot I need to learn to leave it to someone higher, meanwhile I need to prepare myself and build my own self until he needs me to be there for them. It has taken years to learn this and I'm sure it will take just as long to apply it. I am going to commit myself to changing myself, not just for me but also for others around me and for my Heavenly Father.

Before I wrap up I need to share the other part of this moment of discovery. I am 20 year old, naturally I often think of boys and marriage. This has helped me as I think of the kind of person I would like to spend my eternity with. I want to find someone that fits my list (you know the one that most all girls have) The best way to find him is not to find someone good enough right now that I can change later, but someone that fits the mold. BUT this is completely two sided, I am not perfect and I cannot expect to find someone perfect. So what am I trying to do? I am working on making myself into the kind of person that would be perfect for my perfect man. I am changing myself, not him, me to find the him that has done the same! I know that sounds a little cheesy but it can be very deep if you look at it in the right perspective!

Alright enough ramblings from Michayla for tonight. Have a magical evening to all!

My God is my God your God is your God... well then who goes to hell?

So something that has weighed heavily on my mind lately is judgement. I judge you judge, I get it we are all going to judge because guess what? We aren't perfect! I enjoy the study of politics and current events, weird I know, a young person who watches what is actually happening. One thing that I always watch is religion, not just on the news but in everyday life. I have noticed something that has progressively become an issue, that is judgment, I'm talking hard core if you don't believe this you will go to hell judgement. It has always been around I know that, but if you sit back and notice we are becoming increasingly "puffed up." That my friends is just not good.

What really frustrates me is the judgement of hell. Time and time again I hear people placing harsh judgement on the heads of others because they believe in something a little different or maybe they have done certain wrong things. I am not in anyway saying that doing bad things should be pushed to the side, but it is not our place to place judgement of heaven or hell upon their head, that duty belongs to someone else.

Alright on to the real reason for writing this post. The difference and judgement between religions. This one particularly makes me angry. I watch on the news, radio and in person the hatred between religions. I feel like it is getting worse in our troubled society. I don't understand how a person of one sect can look at another and tell them that because they don't believe in Jesus they will go to hell... What if they are a good person? A person who serves, a person with a strong religious family, a person that does everything they can to serve in the name of their God? Why do they have to go to hell? A resent awe-ha moment has affected me very deeply is found in the scripture:

Matthew 7: 20 "Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them."

This short and sweet scripture has spoken volumes for me recently as I struggle with people and decisions in my life. This scripture works for every aspect of life. Recently when I am presented with a problem that has two sides I try and tell myself this scripture. I look at both sides of the argument and I look at the "fruit" does it feel it yield good fruit? or does it yield bad fruit? It has been extremely and intensely spiritual way of looking at things.

I apply this to those who are judged and those who judge... Are their fruits good? If so how can they possibly be on their way to hell. I will state this now, It is not our place to judge. We must all understand that all pains all sins all issues are between a single person and whoever their God is.

As I sit and ponder upon these things I start to wonder about the question of what God is true. There are so many Gods to choose from, so many different ways to see life and eternity. So what one is true? How do we decide what is true? For me I decided through my experiences and through a lot of pain and asking. For others it is different, but no matter what we will all find something or someone to believe in. Just as much as judgement is a part of human nature that is how much belief is, every human believes in something. It's the way we go through the bad, it is what creates the inner character of a man or women. So why do we get to judge what brings people hope and joy? I have ultimately decided on one fact for me as a religious judgmental human being... Any God or belief that brings forth good fruit must be good in spirit, I will leave all judgement to them and their God. I want to add one my bit to chew on... Do not be offended, just think, maybe just, maybe if you bring all these Gods of good fruit together they can all be one God...

Music speaks to me!

So I love music, like I really love music. I don't play music, I don't really write music, I don't even consider myself a really good singer, but I do have a musical gift. I have always felt that I have a very special gift in receiving revelation through music. Music touches me in very deep ways, I owe a lot of who I am to what I've heard in music. I can hear the spirit speak to me in very deep ways when I listen to my songs. Of course many songs are for fun, but even the fun crazy ones have some sort of meaning and have touched my life some how.

Not only do I hear through the music but I also receive unbelievable comfort, strength and memory through music. Every monumental moment good and bad has at least one, maybe more songs related to whatever event. Every person who I have lost has a song to help me remember them forever. Every big memory has a song and every song has some kind of memory.

Why so much county? So if you really know me you know that I really really love country. Funny thing is I didn't used to, I used to hate it. Then I actually listened and it touched me, again in very deep ways. I am at a point in life where I am not totally sure what I want to do and I'm not really sure what is going to happen. I do know that no matter what these seven things will happen, when I grow up I will be... 1) A mother 2)A missionary 3) A cowgirl 4)An actress 5) a teacher 6) A child and 7) A princess... So back to country, I started to love country when I found my true cowgirl self in 4h when I raised my beautiful steers. My love has grown even more as I have lived in Florida because I miss Colorado and I miss being with my cows and being a cowgirl. I never knew how awesome that part of me was till I moved away from it. Florida has blessed me in the sense that is has shown me that that is very huge part of the real me! I listen to country because it keeps me connected to that. It makes me feel proud of my hard core down and dirty side! It helps me really love me, which as you now know is a hard thing for me. So I will continue to listen to it cause it is awesome and it touches me in a spiritual way.

So what about them hymns? They are my favorite they of course are what touch the heart for everyone the most! I am not ashamed at all to the have Mormon Tabernacle Choir on my ipod. Those songs have helped me through some rough ones they have literally saved my life in many occasions. I love them with all my heart and I will always love them!

Well that is my little soap box of my special ear for music. I love my music, I will always love my music and I will continue to listen and receive my own personal revelation and awe-ha moments from my music.

Six tops of "those songs" (of course there are sooooo many more.)

Hymns:

* A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief.

* God Be With You Till We Meet Again.

* The Spirit of God.

* Be Still my Soul.

* If you Could Hie to Kolob.

* Come, Come ye Saints.

Country:

*Colder Weather.

* A little bit stronger.

* Who you'd be today.

* If Heaven Wasn't so Far Away.

* Made in America.

* The House that Built me.

Musicals:

* These are a few of My Favorite things.

* For good.

* Defying Gravity.

* Goodnight my someone.

* Tomorrow.

* I dreamed a Dream.

Love songs:

* I see the light.

* You're still you.

* When you say nothing at all.

* Far Away.

* I'll be.

* Annie's Song.

Disney Songs:

* It's a Small World.

* When you wish upon a star.

* Mickey Mouse March.

* There's a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow.

* Reflection.

* Almost There.

Other random songs:

* Blind.

* God only knows.

* Broken.

* The Climb.

* I'll be your candle on the water.

* On the Wings of a Dream.

* (one more) Perfect, the one from last post.

I am beautiful, I am beautiful, I AM BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Hey there I'm Michayla! Guess what? I am awesome and beautiful! Do I honestly think that? Nope, I am my own worst enemy. I am very confident in who I am, what I know and what I love, but I don't usually see that. I do not like myself very much, in the back of my mind there is a voice telling me that everything good about me is a lie and when people say nice things it's a lie. I have always struggled with loving myself, it's one of my greatest challenges, but for this year I have decided to change that point of view. I have decided I need to look at me through the eyes of those who love me and my Heavenly Father. I need to kick that nasty voice in the butt and tell him to get the heck out of my head.

This is not an easy thing to do, in fact it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it's a necessity if I want to change the world and be a servant to my Heavenly Father I have to love myself and what he has made me into. I have had a great awe-ha moment over this quite recently, somewhere in the dark deep parts of Michayla's brain a part of me always thought that hating myself was a form of humility, then it hit me, hating myself and feeling sorry about hating myself is the total opposite of humility it is being a victim and being very selfish, not to mention it is a slap in the face of what God made. I always want to help and serve others but I can't give them the full me if I don't like most of me. It was very hard to accept and I was a little offended by this but it is true hating on yourself is one of the most selfish things you can do.

It's a new year so I Michayla am going to get off my rear and change myself and my view of myself and I am going to then change the world in the way my Heavenly Father needs me to. This is not being big headed if you do it right. I have found that you have to love the good in yourself and realize that all that good is connected to a higher power, all your success have to be connected with that Higher Power and in the name of him. That will ensure that you will not get over proud! It's going to be a long painful road but I am determined to fall in love with me, in the words of the lovely P!nk I am F***ing Perfect, that's right this is one of the songs I have chosen to help me (don't worry I listen to the clean version.) I am awesome and beautiful and you are too! Don't be selfish you are amazing!!

Magic vs. world...

I live in Florida, I work at Disney World the most magical place on Earth. I believe in magic with every fiber of my being. I have seen it first hand, in the smile of a princess as she walks beneath Cinderella's Castle, in the face of a child when you magically send the off to Neverland, I have seen magic in the eyes of a family spending what may be their last months with their child, I have seen it in the eyes of an adult that tells their child "I remember Small World when I was a kid." I believe in magic. The magic that I have seen goes even deeper than a Disney adventure, there is magic in every miracle, in every moment when we feel close to our Heavenly Father. The magic is what makes us want to go on, but are we losing the magic?

Another thing I have seen at Disney World (and real world) is the slow death of magic. Every time a child tells me that Mickey is not really, every time a parent yells because maybe they had to wait a little longer than planned. I have seen it die in the faces of those who mock the magic makers as they send you off to Neverland. I watch and I notice the magic die, slowly everyday a little bit more as people forget and let the world into their hearts. You see the world does not like the magic, it will do all it can to destroy it. With pain and agony I watch it slowly go, I then realize that it will never die, we have been promised that it will always live and no matter what, there will be opposition in all things. No matter how much power the world and the dark will gain the magic, the good will always gain in its power as well.

It cannot die the good, the magic will always win! We must not let the fear of the dark overcome us because we have to create the magic, we are magic makers, it lives and grows within us! Go my friends Believe, share the magic!

Florida... A blessing!

Alright so a friend of mine started a blog and I am a privileged reader, but as I read his blog I started to feel bad because mine is, well it stinks so look I'm writing!

I am still loving Florida and the lessons she has, and continues to teach me! I still miss my Colorado but Florida has been so good for me as I go on this adventure of finding me. Florida has brought opportunity with both Disney and Seaworld, not only that but I have found great stories and adventures! Even more wonderful Florida has brought me to find some of the most amazing friends of all time. The older I get the more wisdom I gain, Florida has brought both of these out even more in overall very good ways. Growing up I was always very unique and confident (on the outside) of who I was. Florida has brought that even more and it has strengthened me through hard times of being far away and having to sometimes stand alone. I have had to find my own feet and it has been hard, but it has showed me my own strength. I have done some dumb things but I have overall stayed true to my belief and I like to think I have stood out and become an example to those around me. Well that's all for tonight I have to sleep, off to Seaworld in the morning, but hey I wrote!