Have you ever fallen in love with other places and peoples? Have you ever felt so much ache to see them again you don’t feel you can stand it? Have you ever been so lost in knowing where the “right place” for you is?
For those who have lived in various places or have made many connections I am sure you know the heartache of yearning for home. A couple months ago I went on a very very quick trip to Florida. It was a refreshing trip but also a heartbreaking trip. As I saw the old places and faces of those I love so dearly, my heart broke and I found myself in a lowly depressive state. I started to wonder if I had made the right choice to go back to Colorado. Then I thought of Colorado and the other places and faces I have learned to love with so much of my heart. My heartache continued and I felt a hopelessness and longing to know what home really is for me in my future. I felt an aching to hug those I missed, and an unbelievable guilt for my very bad communication skills. As I continued in dark thinking I wondered if maybe it would have been better to not have had these connections and adventures, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much to leave them.
However, like all dark moments when we have the Lord on our side he will not allow us to reside there long, when we choose to turn to him. That is what I did… I went to the Latter Day Saint Temple in Orlando. As I sat outside pacing and pondering these questions and thoughts I pleaded to my Father for answers and understanding… These are some some nuggets I received… (Light really does come to us in the dark moments!)
First I received the humbling prompt to just be grateful. I have had so many incredible experiences and I have been touched by so many wonderful lives. I should be finding great treasures of gratitude for these priceless moments and relationships. Funny, because gratitude is something I am trying harder to work on right now.
The next item of teaching I received was about conversion of the heart. We are asked to be fully converted and give our whole selves to God, our whole heart. What sort of heart does he want? Well, he doesn't want much, in the scriptures he asks for a broken heart and a contrite spirit, to go along with that broken heart. For me a broken heart doesn’t mean a lot of break ups haha… I have learned in many real, and very painful ways, that a broken heart is a heart that has shown love and charity for all around. Someone with a broken heart has shown true love for God by serving others. Someone with a broken heart has spread their heart to others. A person with a broken heart has taken the adventures to new places the Lord has sent them and has left their heart behind in little ways to better those places and peoples. So as the journey goes and the Lord asks for that person's heart he is given a broken one. The beauty is the Lord fixes the broken heart and I think that we get to keep the pieces of other hearts we have gathered along the way. I think it is a beautiful concept, painful, but beautiful.
This is not really actually home:
Next revelation... Solve the dilemma, where is home? I mentioned my aching in missing Florida, and of course Virginia, and Brazil and every other place that has touched me. I miss the people and wish they were all right here with me always. Sometimes I don’t know where I want to be, I know I am supposed to be in Colorado right now but I feel so torn in so many places. Here is my thoughts on that. That is also how it is supposed to be. First off I think that is part of the broken heart aspect. BUT the big reason is that we are not home! This mortal existence is a time spent away from our true home. I firmly believe that we lived with God before this life and that we are here to learn, and to grow, and one day return to him. Maybe I feel this right now because I am supposed to not feel comfortable because I am not home yet. I guess that is why I feel almost “at home” at the temple. We are not here on earth to be completely “comfortable” we are here to grow. There is limited growth in the “comfort zone.”
Home is where your hear is:
This is where things come in full circle with a big bang of hope and JOY! So here is where we answer those questions above. This is where I felt the biggest comfort. There can be a feeling of home here and that is when we continually work on that relationship with Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. We have to take that broken heart that we have worked so hard on and give it over to them. There lies our hearts, and there lies home. When we turn our will to the Father’s will we will find that we are not alone and that we always have a home. All is part of the plan and all is part of the ultimate journey back home!
Thanks for reading,
Hope you have a magical day!