Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I can only change one person...

Todays awe-ha moment is another big hit over the head moment that has really been well slamming me. I am a worrier and I often way over think things in life, I also have this nasty habit of thinking I need to fix a lot of situations. If you know what it's like you know how exhausting it is, it brings stress to your mind and body and for me it brings very nasty nightmares. This is where the awe-ha moment comes in I have heard this one from so many sources I'm starting to wonder if I should listen. That awe-ha moment is that I can never change others and their problems until I have changed me.
It really is very true, you can only truly change and perfect yourself. We have this magical thing called agency that allows us to choose our own thoughts and actions. We have NO excuses for our behaviors and our thoughts because we all have choice. Agency to choose for ourselves is one other most amazing gifts from our Heavenly Father, but we as pathetic humans often look at agency in a bad light and we use it to justify the bad things in life. In reality agency is one of the most powerful spiritual gifts that we have. It is the freedom to choose and change our own self. That is pretty powerful stuff. Like any other power it is often abused by the human race. So how can we use this gift for good? We can use it to change ourselves and to make life worth while, we can do that, we can choose to see the beauty of life and the events in it, all through our agency.
Realizing that you can change yourself and choose happiness is no easy task it is painful and extremely difficult. Even though we don't want to admit it we love our depression we love to be victims. Some are worse then others but we all enjoy being victims somehow. We also like to hold on to pain, as part of that victim mentality humans love to hold to their issues and pains because to truly be happy you have to actually leave those things behind and you actually have to find the lesson. We don't always like to find lessons, we love to feel sorry for ourselves and we like to stay with what is comfortable. I can say that because I know, I do it and I know that some how we all do, it is a normal human tendency. Which is why I am working very hard let go of the past and the victim security blanket.
Moving on to more people and change. I have had difficult people in my life, we all have, many of those people have brought us great pain (one of my childhood best friend, who I still love dearly), It is though these people that I have found this awe-ha. Many sleepless nights thinking about the pains these people have put me and others through, and the pain of knowing I have lost them kept me going on the thought of; how can i change them? It must be my fault what did I do? How can I make them see what they do hurts others? That's when I realized I can do nothing for them but change me and be forgiving. Even though I want to make everything all better I cannot I need to learn to leave it to someone higher, meanwhile I need to prepare myself and build my own self until he needs me to be there for them. It has taken years to learn this and I'm sure it will take just as long to apply it. I am going to commit myself to changing myself, not just for me but also for others around me and for my Heavenly Father.
Before I wrap up I need to share the other part of this moment of discovery. I am 20 year old, naturally I often think of boys and marriage. This has helped me as I think of the kind of person I would like to spend my eternity with. I want to find someone that fits my list (you know the one that most all girls have) The best way to find him is not to find someone good enough right now that I can change later, but someone that fits the mold. BUT this is completely two sided, I am not perfect and I cannot expect to find someone perfect. So what am I trying to do? I am working on making myself into the kind of person that would be perfect for my perfect man. I am changing myself, not him, me to find the him that has done the same! I know that sounds a little cheesy but it can be very deep if you look at it in the right perspective!

Alright enough ramblings from Michayla for tonight. Have a magical evening to all!

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